Paper-macheing the demogorgon brooch alone took me the first 4 episodes of Season 1 already,
I’m not yet finished marathoning Season 2,
I have 2 more Halloween makeup looks up my sleeve and I’m targeting to create another one tonight.
I was supposed to recreate Pigeon Pie’s look down to a tee (like I even looked forward to painting a vintage floral wallpaper pattern on my face), but then I realized that even I do not have the time (nor skills) for it sooo:
Demogorgonish brooch
Mold an aluminum foil into a flower-like shape
Cover with bits of tissue soaked in Elmer’s glue, air to dry
Add colors using grey, pink & red acrylic paint
Cry deep inside while you roll bits of white clay until they look like grains of rice because holy crap what have I gotten myself into, this is even more time-consuming than the White Walker look
Hate yourself even more when you realize that you gotta paint a thin layer of Elmer’s glue on the Demogorgon mouth surface AND THEN attach the clay bits piece by freakin piece.
Face
Cover your face with a layer of white Snazaroo clown paint (because yellow alone doesn’t show well on your Azn skintone)
Apply a layer of yellow facepaint from your Flash palette
Contour using a matte green eyeshadow from your Coastal Scents Creative Me palette
Add drama to your eyegame by creating a smoky effect using the matte black eyeshadow from your Lorac Pro Palette
Line your eyes and fill your brows and lips your lips with the black facepaint from your Flash palette
Use extra girly falsies with Nichido eyelash glue
Draw the letters and Christmas lights with a thin brush (still using the facepaint from your Flash palette)
Soak a piece of cotton in Graftobian liquid latex and stick that to your neck
Stick that demogorgon brooch to the cotton, add drops of fake blood, the end.
Now this is my attempt to make up for the akala-ko-ba-makeup-blog-eh-bat-Thought-Catalog-ata-to content I published as my last post by sharing a more detailed guide towards creating my Arrows In Her Eyes makeup look:
Two months ago, I used my August makeup look to fangirl over the Foo Fighters’ song, Gimme Stitches. Obviously I’m still not done fangirling since this makeup look was inspired by Concrete and Gold‘s “Arrows”, a brooding, it’s-good-but-it-gets-better-when-you’re-angsty kind of song that Dave wrote for his mom.
So without further ado:
EYES:
Rub a bit of eyeshadow primer (Lorac Behind The Scenes primer) to make the colors pop.
I couldn’t be arsed to use more than one palette so I settled on creating a subtle smoky eye using shades from my Urban Decay Shadow Box palette (Baked Cowboy for the lid, Lost along the crease, Sin under the browbone, and Blackout for the outer corners).
Tightline with NYX retractable black eyeliner.
Wing it with Maybelline Hypergloss black liquid eyeliner.
Use extra girly falsies with Nichido eyelash glue, set with your naturally short lashes with Benefit They’re Real black mascara.
Fill in your brows with Benefit Gimme Brow in 04.
LIPS: I wanted to use a color I haven’t used in a loooong time so I chose Revlonlipstick in Burnt Sienna.
ARROWS + WOUND:
For 3 consecutive work days, grab an extra plastic straw from Circle K whenever you’re buying your usual P35 peso Coke Zero lunch drink to make the cashiers believe that you can’t actually consume that amount of Coke Zero alone everyday (SPOILER ALERT: you can).
Consider buying a metallic gold spray paint to make the arrow look…well, metallic…but remember that you have Orly Luxe inside any of the 3 shoebox-sized nail polish stash (aka Timmi’s Addiction 2012). So yeah, I actually used an Orly nail polish to cover the plastic straws. Good thing they’re really pigmented so it wasn’t such a waste lels
Cut one end of the straw lengthwise so you can easily stick feathers into it. Cut the other end diagonally so it can stick better to a round cotton pad using Graftobian Liquid Latex.
Wait til the liquid latex dries.
Line around your eye socket using the cotton pad so you’d know where to apply the liquid latex later to attach the arrows + wound.
FACE:
Prep the face with bareMineralsPrime Timemakeup primer so it won’t look too obvious that you just had your supposedly monthly facial treatment two days prior.
Apply L’Oreal Infallible Liquid Foundation (yes I went back to L’Oreal; it’s still the most hiyang, matte-kung-matte full coverage liquid foundation for me) in Sable sand using a beauty sponge (I tried using my new silicone sponge but it was awful what a scaaaam SMH)
Add colors to your cheeks using bareMinerals blush in Tickled. Contour with NYX Sculpt & Highlight. Go #Extra by contouring with bareMinerals All Over Face Color in Warmth and highlighting with BenefitWatt’s Up.
Make dilig the eye you chose to look impaled with arrows using liquid latex. Attach the arrow wound, hold until dry, add more bits of cotton soaked in liquid latex to secure it.
Apply liquid foundation over the arrow wound so it can blend with your normal skintone…before taking the black facepaint & red facepaint in your Flash palette to make the wound look gruesome.
Dab runny fake blood (red food color + hair gel + cocoa powder) all over the wound.
Last but not the least,mag-inarte as if you don’t have plastic straws na ninenok mo sa Circle K at pininturahan using soshal na kyutiks glued to your eye socket. The end.
BONUS!!
Let me take this chance to say thanks to my team of hecklers “art directors”. Not only do they help me narrow down my kaya-kong-panindigang-iupload-to-sa-internet choices (which prevents me from uploading DOZENS of similar-looking selfies), they’ve also helped me develop a thicker skin when it comes to criticisms about my looks (basta looks lang a). I guess that’s another thing I learned at 30: If you really want to get better/stronger then put yourself at the mercy of people who can end you. If you can survive their comments, then you can survive (almost) anything lololol Exhibit A:
ONCE AGAIN I’ve failed this blog by letting an entire month go by without a single post…to think that back in July, I even mentioned having my August & September posts “figured out”. I already knew what to do; I just lost the drive to actually execute my September look. It would’ve involved a photo of myself with a birthday candle sticking out of my forehead like I’m a mutant candyland unicorn accompanied by a cheesy “30 Things I Learned At 30” list…but due to unforeseen circumstances that happened when I was supposed to create it (a week before my BKK trip), huwag na lang!!
So now I’m gonna make up for it by aiming to post a makeup look every freakin week for the entire month of October. First because I don’t want to lose the street cred I’ve gained from friends who remember to tag me whenever they find makeup videos in Facebook (more recall=more raket opportunities).
Second because I need to match my Halloween output last year, which was fueled by my desire to avenge myself from a chicken pox phase and my then-unemployment/free-spirited freelancer days:
October 24, 2016
October 26, 2016
October 28, 2016
October 29, 2016
October 31, 2016
Yep, I had five different Halloween makeup looks for 2016. SYET BA’T BA KASE AKO NAG-ADIKKKK
Anyway, this makeup look was obviously inspired by the Marlou-is-now-Xander brouhaha that has taken the internet by storm. I didn’t follow it closely (but I do know that I love the PR people behind that diabolically brilliant move to cover up the…basta. Galing!) because my feelings for Marlou/Xander hasn’t changed. I still don’t like him…as much as I DO NOT like every teenager who does all of those cringey, pa-cute hugot sh*t. Now, I’m not going to pretend that I’m one of those, “Dapat pag-aaral ang inaatupag nyo!” types since I wasn’t exactly the studious type during my teenage years…but I do know that my teenage interests were more injury-prone than soul-crushing. Man, I don’t even know how teenagers do it nowadays—I’m so thankful NOT to be one, in a time when my crazy fits of immaturity can be watched, saved and shared by the mapanghusgang lipunan ng social media.
But as much as I tend to be the judgmental Tita who hates basic teenage cringefest, I can’t help but feel sad for Xander. Here’s a boy who, aside from being more “aesthetically-challenged” & bully-magnet than I was during my elementary years (when I barely had an ounce of self-esteem because I was teased for my fish lips) or during my 2012 Michelin Man metamorphosis, obviously doesn’t know any better. I feel agitated whenever I see him do things that’ll make the internet salivate because he’s like that oblivious victim in a slasher flick—why are you doing this to yourself?!! Better, run run run run, run run run away!!!! (<–Internet high five if you sang that) Not gonna lie, I know beauty is a huuuuge commodity, but to put yourself at the mercy of people who’ll surely tear your self-esteem into pieces just for the chance to be rich and sikat, is both foolish and masochistic. I mean, there are other ways to be rich and famous besides becoming a performing monkey for the public. And it’s even more frustrating to see brainless keyboard warriors (read: those who opt for “Pakamatay ka na” kind of comments like woooow really? You’re really going to wish that another human being kills himself just because you find him ugly and annoying?!) make extra efforts to destroy him even after his transformation sickens me. T*ngina naman, when will this boy get a break? Are we really going to push him until he kills himself?
I don’t care if people go under the knife because at the end of the day, it’s not my face, it’s not my money, and it’s not my life at stake. So if Marlou has chosen the plastic surgery route (which is a sad proof of how much he has suffered), and if we’re really incapable of feeling remorseful for the actions he has taken, the least we can do is leave him the fcuk alone so he can finally be happy.
But anyways. Here are the products I used for my #Retokada makeup look. #LousySegueIsLousy
The nose bridge that launched a thousand Aviators. Salamat po, DIY modeling scar wax!!!
EYES:
Rub a bit of eyeshadow primer (Lorac Behind The Scenes primer) to make the colors pop.
Create a smoky eye look with: a glittery blue eyeshadow (Vega from the Urban Decay Moon Dust palette) as the base color of your lids, matte light brown eyeshadow (Taupe from the Lorac Pro palette) as the transition color along the crease, shimmery purple eyeshadow (Flash from the Urban Decay Shadow Box palette) as the second color of your lids, glittery green eyeshadow (Lightyear from the same Moon Dust palette) on the center, and a matte black eyeshadow (Blackout from Urban Decay Naked2 palette).
Tightline with NYX retractable black eyeliner.
Wing it with Maybelline Hypergloss black liquid eyeliner.
Use extra girly falsies with Nichido eyelash glue, set with your naturally short lashes with Benefit They’re Real black mascara.
Fill in your brows with Benefit Gimme Brow in 04.
LIPS:
I used the most nude color in my stash (NYX Liquid Suede in Soft-spoken)—I don’t have a lot of nude shades because they tend to make my lips look. Even. Bigger.
Topped it off with a really shiny, really sticky lip gloss (bare Minerals lip shimmer in Diamond Glaze) to make my lips look plasticky. God, even with the fake burned skin glued to my face, this lip gloss was still the most uncomfortable part of this look for me.
FACE:
Line your face with Graftobian liquid latex to make the scar wax (which will serve as the damaged skin) adhere to your skin.
I WOULD HAVE used Graftobian modeling scar wax for the damaged skin if it was available when I was looking for it. The good news is, I’ve checked Pure Beauty Glorietta and they’ve got stocks of it now that the Halloween season has started. But if you don’t want to pay P295 for a little pot of scar wax, you can make your own by mixing equal amounts of petroleum jelly, flour and a few drops of your liquid foundation until you feel like you’re 8yo again, trying (and failing) to mold Sailormoon’s head with PlayDoh.
Roll bits of scar wax until they look like flesh-colored leeches and stick them to the liquid latex trail you made earlier. Smoothen the scar wax until they start to look as if it’s part of your face…then mangle the outer part to make it appear as if your face was sliced by a rusty pizza cutter while you’re being transported on a bumpy road. Cover your face (and scar wax) with liquid foundation (Revlon PhotoReady Liquid Foundation in Natural Beige).
Use an eyeshadow brush to smear fake blood (red food color + hair gel + cocoa powder) on top of your mangled skin. Dab a bit of purple and yellow matte eyeshadow (from the Coastal Scents Creative Me palette) under your eyes for a bruising effect.
Finish your look with a gauze scarf wrapped around your head. #GauzeCouture
Wans agen wans more: side view for dat nose bridge yoooo
HERE comes my most pretentious post yet!! Because unlike my other makeup looks (usually inspired by songs/movies/pop culture characters that I actually love to death), this makeup look was done simply so I can finally stop obsessing about my July makeup project, since I’ve already got my August & September projects all figured out. Kudos to my colleague Dan for (once again!) having the tendency to inquire about the stuff he sees on my computer screen lololol (it’s actually my pet peeve as an introvert [that I’ve been trying to work on…!] which is why this is my only professional ambition, but hey, at least it resulted to something!) So yeah, I’m not a huge Game of Thrones (or fantasy stuff, for that matter) fan, but the hype is sooo stroooong and the materials are soo simple, I couldn’t resist taking advantage of it.
[SPOILER]………………This is how I look when I’m hangryWhat I did:
Start with a clean face. No primer this time, since I was scared it was gonna reduce the adhesion of My Graftobian liquid latex.
PROTECT YOUR HAIR AND EYEBROWS BECAUSE LIQUID LATEX WILL CLING TO YOUR HAIR LIKE AN OVERBEARING PARENT ON HER SON’S FIRST DAY AT KINDERGARTEN. Use a headband and stick a thin layer of tissue all over your brows with Elmer’s Glue if you don’t have scar wax (which, I’ve learned after regularly dropping by cosmetic specialty stores like Pure Beauty, is very hard to find in the Philippines if it’s not the Halloween season yet!). Elmer’s Glue is a lot more forgiving to hair–unlike liquid latex, which has made me demote my Naked 2 brush into one of my facepainting brush after I accidentally dipped it in liquid latex when I was creating this look.
For the White walker’s wrinkly skin, rip & roll tiny bits of one-ply tissue until they look like anorexic cocoons. This was the most time-consuming part for me (because I like to make sure they all have the same size), so I suggest you get a cat who can shred your tissue for you.
If you want your own smug-looking, tissue-shredding monster of destruction, I heard you can adopt one from CARA. I heard, ha. 😛
Draw the White walker skin wrinkles on your face using an eyeliner pencil (color doesn’t matter since you’ll be using facepaint later anyway)
Trace the lines you just drew with liquid latex, which is what’ll get those tissue wrinkles to stick to your face. Do it one at a time because the latex dries faaast. I even added a layer of tissue over my nose to give it more definition.
Once everything’s dry and secure, cover your face (and neck and hair) with Snazaroo clown white face paint.
Use an angled eyeliner brush to do the shading: gray facepaint for your strips of real skin, and black facepaint to define the nose and make your face look like an albino bitter gourd (aka ampalaya but since I’m already being pretentious by making this makeup look, why stop at that?). I lined my waterline with NYX Retractable Black liner as if it’s 2006 and I’m pretending to like My Chemical Romance all over again.
Form a pathetic-looking beard with cotton & mooore liquid latex, use a beauty app for fake blue eyes (because I’m too stingy to buy blue contacts I’d barely get to use…and I have just recovered from a really mean eye stye so nope nope noooope)
Feel good about yourself. You know you’ve managed to do a pretty neat job kahit ‘di ka naman fan. #OMGImLikeSoInSaUso
So Coldplay’s gonna hold their first Manila concert tonight. I’m sure everyone–even the most internet-challenged, anti-social mold under a rock–knows it, seeing as 8000 Coldplay tickets were sold in 6 freakin minutes, and people have been bitching about the difficulties of scoring tickets ever since. I won’t bother discussing my shock (…upon seeing hoy-nangungutang-ka-lang-nung-isang-araw-diba people suddenly capable of acquiring tickets) further since I’m trying to be less of a basag-trip, and I don’t want to appear bitter since I won’t be attending the event.
Sure I like Coldplay (and yes I’ve listened to their albums and I can name other songs aside from Yellow or The Scientist), but not to the point that I’d actually make an effort to score an overpriced ticket or find people to hang out with (as much as I’m used to doing things solo, going to a concert still scares the living crap out of me and I don’t want to wait around for friends–out of town trips nga ang hirap na matuloy, concert pa with hard-to-find-and-afford tickets?!). And anyway, ever since I let the chance to attend the 2015 National Convention of Titas (the Backstreet Boys concert which was a dream come true for my 12-year-old self; I could’ve gotten a ticket for “free” but the stakes were too high/I wasn’t willing to sell my soul lol) slip out of my fingers, I figured I’d survive missing out on this one. I’d rather wait and choose my battles which include: Foo Fighters (P*NYETA NAMAN DAVE KAHIT ISANG GABI LANG AFTER ALL THESE YEARS I STILL HAVEN’T UNLIKED THIS FB PAGE), Daft Punk, Radiohead, Spice Girls (still debatable), and IF they finally bring Miss Saigon back to Manila (SH*T LANG SH*T LANG TALAGA PLEAAASE).
Anyway, here’s the A-Sky-Full-of-Stars-inspired makeup look I created last November (?), as soon as I heard the news. If I remember correctly, this look just took a little over an hour for me to create–still longer than the time it took for Coldplay tickets to get sold out. Ayus.
♫ I don’t care go on and tear me apart…I don’t care if you do, ooh…cause in a sky, ’cause in a sky full of stars I think I saw your fly open you ♫
For the galaxy face:
Rub a bit of makeup primer (bareMinerals Prime Time) all over your face to the foundation and face paint appear as if it’s applied on an acne-free canvas.
Use an eyeliner pencil to draw an inverted triangle on your face.
Fill that triangle with black face paint (like Snazaroo).
Release your pent-up frustration for missing Coldplay by tearing cheap beauty sponges into pieces or until they look like coral reefs. Use these sponges with white facepaint (I still used Snazaroo) to add random white cloud marks on that black triangle, so you can have more shades/dimensions when you start filling everything with galaxy-colored eyeshadow colors. (I went even further by using the same sponges with blue, purple and pink facepaint.)
Make the triangle look more space-y and go crazy with the eyeshadow. Gather all the pink, purple, blue, dark blue, green, silver, gold, metallic, glittery eyeshadow pans you own and apply them randomly all over the triangle with different types of makeup brush. I used these palettes: Urban Decay Deluxe Shadow Box, Urban Decay Moondust, Coastal Scents Creative Me 1 & Coastal Scents Creative Me 2.
Create the stars/white spatter using an old toothbrush dipped in diluted white face paint. Flick the head 6 inches away from your face until you’re happy (get yer mind out of the gutter I’m talking about the toothbrush!!)
Trace the outside area of your space triangle with streak of liquid latex (I’m using Graftobian and I’m impressed with its stickiness). Stick a zipper along the liquid latexed area before it dries.
For the rest of the face, I used L’Oreal Infallible liquid foundation and NYX Sculpt & Highlight for contouring.
For the eyes:
Fill and shape the brows using the darkest shade from Coastal Scents brow kit.
(For the life of me I cannot remember the exact eyeshadow colors I used for the normal eye it’s been months since I made this look huhuh.)
Line your lids with a black eyeliner pen from K-Palette. Tightline with a black retractable eyeliner from Nyx (because, you know, I don’t wanna go blind if I use an eyeliner pen on my waterline).
Make your eyelashes seem longer than your patience with Benefit’s They’re Real tinted eyelash primer +Benefit’s Roller Gal mascara.
For my lips, I used my BYS Viva Violetta lipstick. It’s one of the makeup freebies my good friend, Gus Villa received from an event he attended months ago–so syempre sino pa bang gagamit? 😀 #IHaveTheMostSupportiveFriends #LordPleaseGetHimInvitedToMoreEventsWithKikayFreebies
Due to force of habit I always remember March 17 as St. Patrick’s Day even if I’m not Irish. I’m not even going to pretend that I know all the saints; the only reason I love this day is because it gives you a free pass to drink until you see rainbows and until leprechauns start looking like Chris O’Dowd (or Michael Fassbender or any Irish dude you find attractive but this is my blog so I’m going with Chris O’Dowd). Some might argue and say that I’m stereotyping because not all Irish people drink but I swear, there’s European level of drinking (which is something even I haven’t met with my 8-Pilsen record)…and then there’s Irish level of drinking. It’s in-freaking-sane.
I also made a St. Patrick’s Day look last year
but it wouldn’t be fun if I just repeat it for this year, would it? Plus, I need to show progress somehow, despite my dwindling makeup addiction soo:
First things first: You’re going to attached a freakin beer can on your face so make sure it’s clean. Clean a Guinness by spilling every drop of that rich, dark, roasted goodness down your throat.
Regret nothing. Convince yourself that you’re drinking FOR A MAKEUP PROJECT FOR YOUR BLOG; surely you are still the more responsible, more mature Tita that you are now!!!
Dear self, your days of imitating Sweet Dee’s drunken antics are over. Pra.Mis.
Trim it diagonally, rinse and set it aside.
For the eye:
Rub a bit of eyeshadow primer (Lorac Behind The Scenes Eye Primer) to make the colors stick and pop.
Apply 2 shades of brown eyeshadow on the crease. Lorac Pro Palette’s Taupe for the inner corner, and a warmer brown like bareMineral’s soft focus face color in Warmth for the outer corner.
For the green eyeshadow I went with Urban Decay’s Graffiti but I didn’t like how bright it was so I added a layer of shimmery dark green eyeshadow like Coastal Scent’s Balsam over it. Dab a bit of glittery green eyeshadow like Urban Decay’s Lightyear on the center. Repeat step for the area under your lower lash line.
Darken the outer corner of your lid with a dark, glittery gray eyeshadow like Lorac Pro’s Slate. Repeat step for the area under your lower lash line.
Blend like every stroke burns calories.
Line your lid with a black eyeliner pen from K-Palette. Line your lower waterline with a gold retractable eye pencil from Nyx.
Make your eyelashes seem longer than your patience with Benefit’s They’re Real tinted eyelash primer +Benefit’s Roller Gal mascara.
Fill in your brow with K-Palette Tattoo Real Lasting Eyebrow Liner in 01-Natural Brown.
For the lips, I used a dark green liquid lipstick like LA Splash in Nagini. Totally appropriate because St. Patrick totaaaally drove all dem “snakes” away from Ireland amirite
For the face:
Rub a bit of makeup primer (bareMinerals Prime Time) all over your face to make your liquid foundation (L’Oreal’s Infallible in Radiant Beige) appear as if it’s applied on an acne-free canvas.
Cast a shadow on every area you wanna trim down (this technique does not apply on your tummy not that I tried…) with bareMinerals soft focus in Warmth, and highlight with Benefit’s Watt’s Up). Add a bit of blush if you want.
Use an eyepencil to trace the area where you’re going to stick the beer can.
Line that area with little bits of tissue soaked in liquid latex (YES SA WAKAS NAKAHANAP NA AKO AND I’M USING GRAFTOBIAN)
Stick the beer can before the liquid latex dries. Add more bits of liquid latexed tissue to secure it.
Because it’s so hard to see with only one eye, you’ll discover that you mistakenly grabbed one of your good brushes (that brush that came along with your Naked 2!!!!) to apply the liquid latex. Hate yourself, repeat until you lose some sleep because how else are you gonna replace that brush without buying a new palette?!?!!?
Mourn for the loss of a good makeup brush by dabbing a bit of purple eyeshadow around the beer can area for some kinda bruising effect.
Once the tissue bits are dried, cover them up with the same foundation you used on your face.
Let fake blood (a mixture of cocoa powder + pancake syrup + red facepaint) drip around the beer can to make it appear as if some Irish dude with super drunk Irish strength impaled your smartass face with his drink.
I was planning to update this blog with a new material every 7 days so I won’t have to worry about running out of content. But I’m posting this now anyway, 4 days after my last post, since it’s uso naman to make an exception for every rule. Kung hindi ngayon, kailan pa?
As I’ve mentioned before, I learn my makeup looks from Youtube tutorials. But I feel inspired to ACTUALLY try a makeup look while I’m listening to music—like, a certain line comes up and yun, instant moment of eureka! (e.g. ♫…wasak na naman sa pag-ibig, wasak na wasak…♫ “AHH…!! Kunwari kaya basagin ko mukha ko parang yung sa Youtube?”)
Eh for the past few days, I found myself listening to Rage Against the Machine. And people who know me well are aware that I gravitate towards RATM (and AC/DC) whenever I’m just a few buttons away from exploding into a teary-eyed, passive-aggressive, heavy-breathing, stuttering mess. I guess there’s just something comforting about mouthing the words to Highway To Hell or Bullet In The Head…and for an onlooker who can see me raging mutely with my earphones, I’d look like a formidable freak…
…kinda like how the slow loris would bathe itself with a mixture of saliva and the toxin released from its armpits as a signal to keep its enemies away OR ELSE.
But I digress. Long story short, I’ve been angry for the past few days so I’ve been listening to RATM and one song inspired me to do this makeup look. I won’t discuss it (…and its meaning and how it’s relevant nowadays) any further because this is supposed to be my makeup blog and I don’t want to taint it with my anger. At least, I’ll really, really try!
Here’s what I did to create the Bullet in the Head look:
To create the shape of the bullet hole, roll a bit of paper twine (or twisted tissue paper) around your Sharpie. Secure the ends together with glue. Feel ashamed for wondering whether the people who make those cardboard signs for murdered drug users (aka Mga Nanlaban) are Team Pentel or Team Sharpie. Di ka na nga maka-move on, morbid ka pa. Giiirl.
Realize you can’t apply your liquid foundation yet, since you’ll need a clean face for the bullet hole to adhere to your skin completely. So while waiting for your paper mache’d bullet hole ring to dry, you can start filling in your eyebrows with a brow mascara (Nichido Tinted Brow Gelin Ash Blonde). You can further sharpen and define its shape with an eyebrow pen (K-Palette Tattoo Real Lasting Eyebrow Liner in 01-Natural Brown).
I didn’t want to go overboard with the eye makeup or else I’ll run out of damns to give for the bullet hole effect later. So after rubbing a bit of eyeshadow primer (Lorac Behind The Scenes Eye Primer) on my lids, I went with a simple smokey eye makeup using three colors from my Lorac Pro Palette: Nude for the browbone and the inner eye corner, Taupe on my lids, and Espresso for the crease and along my lower lash line.
I wanted my eyes to mirror the souls of those forcing me to forgive and forget SO I generously lined my upper and lower waterlines with NYX Retractable Black Liner, winged dem eyes with K-Palette Real Lasting Black Eyeliner, and thickened my lashes untilkasing kapal na sila ng mukha ng mga with Benefit They’re Real Tinted Primer & Benefit Roller Lash Mascara.
By this time the bullet hole has dried up into a perfect circle, so you can now stick it to your forehead using the sturdiest eyelash glue in your stash (for me it’s Nichido Eyelash Adhesive). Place it where an actual bullet would’ve entered your head if your smart-ass self happened to be born in a different decade. Secure the hole by covering it with small bits of tissue (drenched in Elmer’s Glue) .
Then hit the books. Lie on your bed with a heavy book weighing the paper mache’d bullet hole ring down to your forehead, and think about how lucky you are to be alive.
Once the bullet hole ring is stuck perfectly to your forehead, you can now cover your entire face with liquid foundation (like L’Oreal Infallible Liquid Foundation), adding more coverage to the bullet hole so it can look like real skin. The good thing about doing your eye makeup prior to your foundation application is you can easily clean up the eyeshadow fallout on your cheeks.
Add the details by dabbing brown and red eyeshadow around the hole for a slight bruising effect, coloring its inside with a black eyeliner to give it depth and filling the hole with fake blood until it drips down your face.
Finish your look by using a metallic copper brown lipstick on your lips (like Urban Decay Lipstick in Conspiracy haha) to make them so irresistible, kisses will be plundered.
With all of the conspiracy theories infecting the average Filipino’s Facebook newsfeed for the past few months, I just needed to take a break and recall my favorite conspiracy theory: The Reptilians, which was popularized by British conspiracy theorist, David Icke. Basically, he claims that the world’s most powerful people are shape-shifting reptilian aliens who want to control the world and enslave us all.
At first I wondered, what the hell is this Brit mixing with his tea and will it show up in a urine test? Wala lang, a friend wants to know. But then I started to like it. Revenge is a dish best served cold. Those cold-blooded freaks probably want to avenge their cousins that are being exploited to satisfy the designer bag addiction of their human subordinates. The fact that we have our own urban legend about a mall tycoon’s supposedly reptilian son just makes it even more amusing to me. Talagang ‘di tayo nagpahuli!
So since I’ve developed a passion for using makeup to become something I’m not (gee that statement sounds so pitiful), I decided to try my hand at looking like a powerful, rich, cold-blooded reptilian Beach Barbie.
My “Reptilian Beach Barbie” look…
It’s basically the similar process as jessFACE90’s Lizard makeup look, but I had to use Elmer’s Glue instead of liquid latex. It’s not as strong, but hey it’s not like I’m going wear that on my face for hours. (“Magtiyaga ka sa glue, ang tamad mo maghanap ng liquid latex e!” -me to myself) It doesn’t give you a very natural-looking effect either. But what do you expect from a type of children’s glue? Just be glad your photo won’t be blown up into billboard proportions soo you can still get away with Elmer’s Glue imperfections.
So these are the things I did to get this look. If you’re smart, you won’t follow every bit by heart:
Find your favorite pair of sunglasses AKA the cheap one that doesn’t fall due to your nose bridge shortage. Stop obsessing about the unused pairs of fancy sunglasses you’ve received from your mother na hindi mo nga magamit kasi nahuhulog lang sila sa sahig and just get to work.
Trace the rough outline of its frame using NYX Retractacle White Liner. Any color would probably work since you’re gonna cover the lines with tissue and glue anyway; I was just paranoid that they’d be visible if I chose a darker color.
Slather Elmer’s Glue on the outline, before sticking thin strips of tissue on it. I think I did this twice to make sure the tissue (fake human skin) would be strong enough once I peel the “ripped” end later.
Let that dry and do your foundation routine on the rest of your face. Mine’s using L’Oreal Infallible Liquid Foundation with a damp sponge and adding more coverage where it’s needed (read: your God-given period zits) by applying bareMinerals Mineral Foundation with a brush.
I wasn’t sure if it was going to show (because I’m just using my 2-year-old smartphone to take my selfies) but I added a bit of bareMinerals Face Color in Luxe Radiance on my cheekssince I’m supposed to be a girly reptilian nightmare.
Once the paper mache’d freak show of fake human skin around your eyes is dry, apply your liquid foundation and concealer all over it so it’d have the same shade as your real skin.
Create the ripped effect by gently peeling the inner edge of your fake human skin and bending it outwards. This is why I traced the rough outline with an eyeliner—so you can stop peeling once you see your outline, making it easier for you to get that oops-I-ripped-my-fake-human-skin-because-my-sunglasses-are-that-lit effect.
Fill out your snake skin with green face paint. I had to mix my green and black facepaint from my Snazaroo Facepaint Kit because I wanted it to be as green and as dark as my mind. Once I was happy, I applied that color all over the area with a wet brush. I also used the green shades from my Coastal Scents Creative Me 1 palette and Urban Decay Grafitti Eyeshadow as my setting powder and to add more greenness na din.
Put fishnet stockings over your head as if you’re a desperate idiot who wants to do a prepaid card heist at 7-11 because you’re so sick of your Free Data Mode (“Nagload pa ako’t gumamit ng data, tapos hugot quote lang pala yung picture na inupload nya sa Efbee!!! Ba’t kasi nauso yung pictures ng quotes, di na lang i-status update?!”-desperate idiot turned bitter idiot) You’ll have to fill the holes of your fishnet stockings with a different color for the scales, so it’s reaaally important for you to hold it in place throughout this step. Stop yourself from hahahuhu-ing at how pathetic you look with your never-been-used fishnet stockings over your head—the same pair of stockings your very supportive mother has sent you in hopes that it can do its kinky wonders to your “quest in finding a good man”. Once you’ve gotten your sh*t together, carefully dab a brush full of gold eyeshadow (Gold from Lorac Pro 1 or Urban Decay in Honey) on top of the fishnet stockings covering your green reptilian skin.
Remove your fishnet stockings carefully and throw it into your dirty laundry basket so you can give your laundrywoman something to talk about. Paint the inner side and the edges of your ripped human skin with fake blood, and the outer side with purple and brown eyeshadow for some bruising effect.
Tightline your eyes with NYX Retractable Black Liner. Wing your eyes with K-Palette Real Lasting Black Eyeliner. Finish your eye makeup look by adding length and volume to your lashes with your favorite Benefit Roller Lash Mascara. Remind yourself that you’re not yet done with your Reptilian Beach Barbie look so you better stop admiring your fabulous lashes (AKA blinking slowly in front of your mirror as if you’re a narcissistic goat-snake hybrid).
Use Urban Decay Big Bang Lipstick for that glittery girly pink lips. You realized you’re not happy with its shimmer, so you gently dab a finger full of eyeshadow that screams PINK GLITTERS from your Urban Decay Moondust palette all over your lips.
Shake your hair until it looks like it’s full of secrets and wear giant hoop earrings just so you can look like the “liberated” hacienderang maldita of any teleserye/fantaserye. Wear your sunglasses as a useless headband just in case people don’t get why your ripped human skin is shaped that way.
…pwede ring: “The Other Woman After A Humid Day Of Checking Out All The Husbands On The Beach” look.
Feel sad that you don’t have actual snake-eye contact lenses to complete the look. Stop feeling sad when you remember that you can add fake contact lenses to your photo using the selfie app you loved to use para pagtripan ang pagmumukha ng mga kaibigan mo. Finally, use that post-processed selfie in your Instagram and hope that it’s good enough so people would want to learn more, click that link in your bio and discover your newborn blog site.
mag-inarte as if you don’t have plastic straws na ninenok mo sa Circle K at pininturahan using soshal na kyutiks glued to your eye socket. The end.
